John Gray says, "Women show their love by doing a lot of little things all the time for their partner, thinking this will make him feel loved because that’s how she feels loved. Her brain is set up to be able to focus on a lot of little things at a time and not on just on big thing. A man does one or two big things for his partner thinking that will make her feel loved. His brain is set up to focus on one big thing at a time. Men and women need to understand and accept their differences in order to love and be loved. Imagine women have a love tank similar to a gas tank in a car. It needs to be filled over and over again. Doing many little things (and scoring many points) is the secret Read more [...]
Anger and resentment is the biggest killer of relationships. We need to understand these emotions better, and get at the root cause so we can be proactive instead of reactive. Then we can be healthier within ourselves and within our relationships. We tend to think that situations or people make us angry, but it's our judgements about what is happening is the real cause! Anger is just a by product of our thinking. The good news if we focus on what the unmet needs are it will help us let go of the anger, so we can then find ways to met those needs. We are far more likely to get our needs met by being calm and clear (proactive) then if we stay connected with and act from anger (reactive). Marshall Read more [...]
It was no secret that Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown had a very intense relationship filled with conflict. No surprise, looking at their relationship through the lens of The Compatikey Relationship Mapping System, we can see why. They were opposite Relationship Styles. Whitney was a Football Relationship Style, and Bobby was the Basketball Relationship Style. Meaning Whitney liked stability and ease in relationship and Bobby liked stimulation and a lot going on in relationship. Their physical chemistry was out of balance. She had a "magnetic" attraction to him and he had a "neutral" attraction to her, and their movement chemistry, was "clumsy". Their heart chemistry was Read more [...]
Have you ever noticed the effect your tone of voice has on someone, especially your partner? It’s powerful!
Pause before you respond, consider what you want to relay and adjust your tone.
Wishing you more love and ease in your relationships!
I was wondering how long this relationship was going to last! If they would have had the understanding that they have different relationship styles and different plan styles and how to manage that, they may not be where they are at now. This information could help them heal their relationship. So here are the stats: Johnny is the "Football Relationship Style" meaning he likes stability and ease in relationship. Vanessa is the "Basketball Relationship Style", meaning she likes stimulation and a lot going on in relationship. Johnny is the "Pencil Plan Style" meaning he likes to go with the flow. Vanessa is the "Pen Plan Style", meaning she likes to have a plan. So, you could Read more [...]
Did you know that arguments are “tragic expressions of unmet needs”? “We are far more likely to get our needs met if we tell people what we need instead of evaluating them” says Marshall Rosenberg, who developed and teaches NVC (non-violent communication). It’s crucial to our own health and the health of our relationships to figure out what are the unmet needs we fighting for and then be able to discuss that with our partner without arguing. See if you can find your most common argument centered around one of your basic unmet needs from the list below. Here are our 9 Basic Needs (according to Rosenberg): 1. Sustenance (food, shelter, water) 2. Safety 3. Love 4. Read more [...]
Here’s a couple of interesting Male/Female differences: 1. According to Simon Baron-Cohen, PhD, author of The Essential Difference: Male and Female Brains and the Truth About Autism, men's neurological wiring tends to make them better at systems, while women are superiorly rigged for empathy. 2. Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, PhD, notes: "The two brain hemispheres are less well connected in men than in women. This gives men the ability to focus on one thing at a time and be very goal oriented, whereas the female brain is built to assimilate many feelings at once. Read more: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Understanding-the-Male-Brain#ixzz1eN27k8Lb Read more [...]
I feel understanding, compassion, acceptance and forgiveness for ourselves and our partners is the "work" of relationship. It's how we get to a place of peace and love within ourselves and towards others. Sometimes easy, sometimes EXTREMELY challenging....but it is a discipline that makes us feel good. It doesn't mean tolerating abuse....but we can apply it to abusive people, so that we can be free of our anger and resentment that we can tend to hold onto, which only hurts us. I've learned I only have control over how I act and feel. I still have a lot to learn, but I know that with love and peace the journey of our lives are much more enjoyable. I believe giving and receiving Read more [...]
"Creating positive relationships begins with ourselves. What we believe, what we see, and what we experience depends directly on the thoughts we have in our minds." In the book 'Love is the Answer' by Jamplosky and Cirincione, they teach a "psychological-spiritual" approach called Attitudinal Healing, which is a process of letting go of the fearful, guilty, angry, negative thoughts that so many of us carry around in our minds. It is based on the premise that it is not other people or circumstances that cause us to be upset, but rather our own thoughts and attitudes about those people and circumstances that cause us distress. In attitudinal Healing, health is defined as "inner peace" and healing Read more [...]