3 Tips for a Happy Relationship

March 28, 2013

Men and Women think & feel differently.  Generally, a man will ask the question “What do you think”, and she will tell you her feelings (or intuition) about something. A women will ask a man ” How do you feel”, he will tell you what he thinks. It”s a natural way our brains are wired.

A man’s opinion or thoughts are just as important as a woman’s feelings or intuition. With this understanding you can honor & love each other better.

Here are some helpful tips:

1.  For women to know:

If you want a man to listen to you, you’ll need to let him know, that it would make you feel better if he “just listen” and that you don’t need him to figure anything out for you or to try to help “fix or solve” anything. (since this is how men listen, because that’s what comes natural to them)

Empathy isn’t as natural for a man. Empathy comes natural for most women because of the way their brain is wired.

Be sure to give him a short amount of time that you need from him. Men need to know this….because they are limited as to how long they can  listen without going to their natural instinct of “solving or fixing” for you.

Be sure to express appreciation for his efforts.

Note: Take care of your needs by understanding the gender difference and call a girlfriend if you need more time & empathy than your man can do.

 2. For men to know: 

Generally, there is usually “no point” to the conversation. She talks for connection & even relaxation, especially if she’s upset. She will feel better after she “gets it off her chest”, which is where her feelings live.

When a woman is talking, just listen… there is nothing to fix. Especially if she’s upset….the less you say the better. Just make empathetic sounds like aahh or hmm, every now and then at the end of her sentences. Just be with her….listening to her…even when she’s silent (resist the urge to “fix” or make suggestions)….maybe even ask, “Is there anything else”, or “Would you like to be held”?

That will make her feel so much better! You’ll see it’s like magic!

Of course you will find exceptions to the gender rules…there are men that can relate more to feminine traits, and there are women who can relate more to masculine traits.
Then there are people who have a balance of feminine & masculine traits.

 3. Find out your “Love Language”, along with you Relationship Style & Plan Style.

The 5 Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman’s New York Times bestseller.

You may relate to more than one. There will be one that stands out a little or a lot more. For more clarity take the quiz!

#1: Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

#2: Quality Time

For those whose love language is spoken with Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

#3: Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

#4: Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

#5: Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, whileneglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

There is a quiz you can take to get clear about what your top language is Click here

Be sure to find out what your partners language is, and let your partner know what yours is. Taking the test together would be enlightening.

Often we give love in the “Love Language” we prefer….but it won’t meet the “Love Language” needs of your partner, if it isn’t the same as yours. So, for the sake of Love….both people need to stretch to meet the needs of their partner.

We’re a work in progress…..so are our relationships. So, relax and trust…..everyone’s doing the best they can.

Getting relationship help and advice is always a good thing to do, since there are some basic things we need to know in order to have less conflict & more love!

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