What Really Creates Anger?

March 4, 2012

Anger and resentment is the biggest killer of relationships. We need to understand these emotions better, and get at the root cause so we can be proactive instead of reactive. Then we can be healthier within ourselves and within our relationships.

We tend to think that situations or people make us angry, but it’s  our judgements about what is happening is the real cause!

Anger is just a by product of our thinking. The good news if we focus on what the unmet needs are it will help us let go of the anger, so we can then find ways to met those needs.

We are far more likely to get our needs met by being calm and clear (proactive) then if we stay connected with and act from anger (reactive).

Marshall Rosenburg PhD shows us how in one of his little booklets called “The Surprising Purpose of Anger. Beyond Anger Management: Finding the Gift

He points out the following:

  • People or events may spark your anger but your own judgments are it’s cause
  • Judging others as “wrong” prevents you from connecting with your unmet needs
  • Getting clear about your needs helps you identify solutions satisfying to everyone
  • Creating strategies focused on meeting your needs transforms anger into positive actions

Marshall Rosenberg is the founder and educational director of the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC). He travels throughout the world mediating conflict and promoting peace. www.CNVC.org

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a powerful process for inspiring compassionate connection and action. Training in NVC can help facilitate communication and prevent conflict by helping everyone get their needs met. This time-tested, practical process works equally well in education, business and industry, social services, political conflict, as well as in families and personal relationships

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