It’s no wonder men and women can have a hard time understanding each other in conversation!
Deborah Tannen points out in her book, “You Just Don’t Understand”:
Men are often inclined to focus on jockeying for status in conversation: Is the other person trying to one-up me or put me down? Is the other trying to establish a dominant position?
Women are more often attuned to the negotiation of connections: Is the other person trying to get closer or pull away?
Since both elements are present, it’s easy for women and men to focus in different elements in the same conversation”.
John Gray says, "Women show their love by doing a lot of little things all the time for their partner, thinking this will make him feel loved because that’s how she feels loved. Her brain is set up to be able to focus on a lot of little things at a time and not on just on big thing.
A man does one or two big things for his partner thinking that will make her feel loved. His brain is set up to focus on one big thing at a time.
Men and women need to understand and accept their differences in order to love and be loved.
Imagine women have a love tank similar to a gas tank in a car. It needs to be filled over and over again. Doing many little things (and scoring many points) is the secret Read more [...]
Anger and resentment is the biggest killer of relationships. We need to understand these emotions better, and get at the root cause so we can be proactive instead of reactive. Then we can be healthier within ourselves and within our relationships.
We tend to think that situations or people make us angry, but it's our judgements about what is happening is the real cause!
Anger is just a by product of our thinking. The good news if we focus on what the unmet needs are it will help us let go of the anger, so we can then find ways to met those needs.
We are far more likely to get our needs met by being calm and clear (proactive) then if we stay connected with and act from anger (reactive).
Marshall Read more [...]