I think it’s extremely important that men and women understand that we think, feel and communicate differently.
We can also have ”invisible differences”, that are at the core of most of the conflicts that happen in relationships. I show people these invisible differences using The Compatikey Relationship Mapping System®.
Whether you are single looking to date more successfully or have conflict in any relationship these understandings will impact all areas of your life in an extraordinary way!
I’ve been on a mission to understand, accept, and appreciate these differences in my own relationships as well as helping others do the same, in order to have less conflict and more love and peace in their lives.
Video testimonials here. Also check out what “They’re Saying” on the side of side of this site.
You are welcome to a Free Introductory Phone Consult with me. You’ll find out your Relationship and Plan Style along with some other interesting information about yourself. You will also discover how I can best be of service to you. Contact me to set up your free phone consult now
In the blog below, you will see Celebrity Relationships analyzed using the Compatikey Relationship Mapping System®.
I was wondering how long this relationship was going to last!
If they would have had the understanding that they have different relationship styles and different plan styles and how to manage that, they may not be where they are at now. This information could help them heal their relationship.
So here are the stats: Johnny is the “Football Relationship Style” meaning he likes stability and ease in relationship. Vanessa is the “Basketball Relationship Style”, meaning she likes stimulation and a lot going on in relationship.
Johnny is the “Pencil Plan Style” meaning he likes to go with the flow. Vanessa is the “Pen Plan Style”, meaning she likes to have a plan.
So, you could imagine how having these differences and not knowing them, could create a lot of conflict in any relationship.
Oh, I meant to also mention, they both have a low tolerance for stress….and conflict can be exhausting!
The glue of this relationship is/was their “Heart Chemistry”….which is the same towards each other. When they met, I bet it felt like they’d known each other for centuries.
The “Physical Chemistry” is out of balance, but their “Movement Chemistry” is playful and friendly.
I’m a romantic. I’m holding out hope for them, meaning I’m hoping they get in touch with me so they have a higher chance of making this relationship work, if they choose to.
Did you know that arguments are “tragic expressions of unmet needs”?
“We are far more likely to get our needs met if we tell people what we need instead of evaluating them” says Marshall Rosenberg, who developed and teaches NVC (non-violent communication).
It’s crucial to our own health and the health of our relationships to figure out what are the unmet needs we fighting for and then be able to discuss that with our partner without arguing.
See if you can find your most common argument centered around one of your basic unmet needs from the list below.
Here are our 9 Basic Needs (according to Rosenberg):
1. Sustenance (food, shelter, water)
2. Safety
3. Love
4. Empathy
5. Rest (recreation/play)
6. Communication
7. Creativity
8. Autonomy
9. Meaning/Purpose (need to contribute to life and people in a meaningful way)
Once we identify the need we can then and only then find strategies to meet that need. So cool!
NVC is just one of the tools I use in helping people have more love in their lives!
Here’s a couple of interesting Male/Female differences:
1. According to Simon Baron-Cohen, PhD, author of The Essential Difference: Male and Female Brains and the Truth About Autism, men’s neurological wiring tends to make them better at systems, while women are superiorly rigged for empathy.
2. Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, PhD, notes: “The two brain hemispheres are less well connected in men than in women. This gives men the ability to focus on one thing at a time and be very goal oriented, whereas the female brain is built to assimilate many feelings at once.
Read more: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Understanding-the-Male-Brain#ixzz1eN27k8Lb
I feel understanding, compassion, acceptance and forgiveness for ourselves and our partners is the “work” of relationship. It’s how we get to a place of peace and love within ourselves and towards others. Sometimes easy, sometimes EXTREMELY challenging….but it is a discipline that makes us feel good.
It doesn’t mean tolerating abuse….but we can apply it to abusive people, so that we can be free of our anger and resentment that we can tend to hold onto, which only hurts us.
I’ve learned I only have control over how I act and feel. I still have a lot to learn, but I know that with love and peace the journey of our lives are much more enjoyable.
I believe giving and receiving love is what we are here for….and most clearly what I’m here for. To learn love, to teach love, to BE love, as best I can… more often than not.
“Creating positive relationships begins with ourselves. What we believe, what we see, and what we experience depends directly on the thoughts we have in our minds.”
In the book ‘Love is the Answer’ by Jamplosky and Cirincione, they teach a “psychological-spiritual” approach called Attitudinal Healing, which is a process of letting go of the fearful, guilty, angry, negative thoughts that so many of us carry around in our minds. It is based on the premise that it is not other people or circumstances that cause us to be upset, but rather our own thoughts and attitudes about those people and circumstances that cause us distress.
In attitudinal Healing, health is defined as “inner peace” and healing as “letting go of fear.” It is a way of correcting our own misperceptions. Perhaps the most valuable gift we’ve been given is the freedom to choose and to decide upon our own thoughts.
In his book he talks about two ways of looking at the world and our relationships. One is through the eyes of ego (fear) and the other is through the eyes of love. We can always choose whether we are going to listen to the voice of the ego or the voice of love. We create positive relationships only when we listen to the voice of love.”
Taken from the book “Love is the Answer” by Gerald G. Jamplowsky, M.D. and Diane V. Cirincione
Another great book of Jamplowsky’s is “Love is letting go of Fear”.
Wishing you love and peace, within yourselves and in your relationships……Patty
I think this picture sums up a lot of their relationship….but I won’t disclose all of my thoughts on this right now.
I will tell you about the hidden ingredients, looking thru the lens of Compatikey, that made this relationship work and where the challenges lie. Obviously, there were more challenges than not, but it’s also very obvious in their Compatikey Relationship Map.
Maria is a ‘Football’ Relationship Style and she’s the ’Pencil’ Plan Style. Arnold is the ‘Basketball’ Relationship Style and the ‘Pen’ plan style. Opposites can work much better, if they know what they are working with, so they don’t expect the other to do relationship or plan their day’s in the same manner. Over time, the unawareness of these differences can be extremly challenging for both parties.
What worked for awhile was their chemistry….which was part of the glue of this relationship, which can be for better or worse. When the chemistry is strong yet it’s with the opposite Relationship and Plan Style, it can feel like a curse.
I wish them, especially Maria, ease and love thru this challenging time.
To find out what your Relationship and Plan Style is, give me just your email and birthdate on the upper left of this page.
I think it’s extremely important that men and women understand that we think, feel and communicate differently.
